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Rosalinda, What a great group this is. I agree with everything you say, but you should not feel guilty about anything --- not about not being fluent in Spanish (English is the language of this country), about enjoying the fruits of your labor (that is why our ancestors left Mexico), about the plight of the new immigrant (you can fight for them by voting in their favor, coming to their defense when someone bad mouths them in your presence, sending contributions to those on the front lines of sober activism), etc. You are doing your job as you said you do, in your classroom. As for that student that wonders why you should be teaching English when you are Mexican: don't let him make you feel different; it is he who perceives you as different. (Makes me wonder what he has learned at home). I too had to learn English and forget my Spanish and ended up being more articulate in English than many who have never known any other language. (As a second grader, I could read English so well that the teacher would leave the room for a break while I kept the class entertained with my reading of stories). If we wanted to succeed in this country, we have had to try to outdo the ones that think only they have the ability and the rights to advancement due to their Anglo ancestry. I don't go around thinking "I'm Mexican", but when reminded of it by someone who feels uncomfortable with that fact, I don't hesitate to defend myself and remind them that I cannot see myself as they see me. You say you don't totally fit into either culture. No, we don't, but as my husband says, we are fortunate to have two souls, an American one and a Mexican one. That is similar to what Europeans have embraced for many centuries, and that happened there because the surrounding countries are so small and close and kept changing borders. America and Mexico are so vast that even inside their own boundaries there are competing provincial attitudes. You ask, "who am I?". You are Rosalinda, an open-minded person dedicated to the honorable profession of teaching. When someone asks me who or what I am, I say "I am Emilie----". I too enjoy the sounds of Spanish or Mexican music, even though most times I don't understand a word. You and I did not have Spanish as our first language. My husband can learn languages easily because English was not his first language; I have to read subtitles in French, Italian, Spanish, etc and before I can finish reading, he has already caught the joke and is laughing at the scene. For a long time, he bemoaned the fact that he learned English at the age of twelve, but it gave him other advantages. He persevered, and he is quite articulate in that language. We can persevere in learning Spanish. You might have to wait till you retire to give it the time it requires, as my sister has done. She is taking Spanish classes from a native born Spanish speaker from Peru, and has traveled to Puerto Rico and Cuba (I guess she likes the tropics). At the end of your "ruminations" you conclude that you love both your cultures. So do I, and know that we are more fortunate than most for having more than one culture. Emilie
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